Commitment Day 2 - Dragonflies & little secrets

Today I set up my mat outside. I’ve been practicing inside lately and I turn the air off but it doesn’t get quite warm enough since we keep the house cool overnight.  Yesterday I definitely felt like my body didn’t warm up as much as I would’ve liked.  I also had a very slow and unfocused practice which didn’t help with keeping me warm.  This morning I decided to step outside to feel the air and found it was quite nice for a late July, northern Florida, summer morning. I imagine it was a slightly humid, high 70s in the shade of my patio. Perfect. So I put down my mat and set up my music.  I wanted to listen to a couple of playlists I had put together for teaching and see if I like them.  Traditionally Ashtanga is not practiced with music but when I’m at home, in my space, I have music. Sweet, beautiful, music.

I opened my practice with the hip opening exercise from David Keil then went into primary series up to navasana. I did want to practice past that but the concrete patio floor was not exactly the place I wanted to touch my face to for bhujapidasana or plant my heels into for kurmasana.  I felt focused and dedicated to getting the most out of my practice today.  I usually rush through closing but today I enjoyed it.  One of my little secrets.. sometimes in karnapidasana, I get so comfy and cozy that I close my eyes, release my practice and take a little blissful kitten nap. A kitten nap is shorter than a cat nap but just as refreshing. I did 6 backbends again and 2 drop backs. I need to work on a little bit more control at the tail end of my drop back. I get back to where I can see my mat and then I reach my edge of control and just drop. I want to work on lingering at my edge and having a more controlled drop down to the mat. I worked on rocking back and forth to lift up but I didn’t feel any weight lift out of my hands today. Coming up from back bend is definitely in a land far, far away for me. That’s ok, one of these lifetimes I’ll get it!

I spent two hours on my mat today which is an improvement. The only pose I skipped was Janu B. I need to do a little reading up on that one to see what the purpose is. It’s just so similar to Janu A that it seems almost redundant. So I admit, I have somewhat of a tendency to skip it when I’m getting a little bored with all the seated forward folds and want to move on.  But shhh, that’s between you and me.  I was able to bind to my wrists on both sides in Marichy C today. Taking the time to do parivrtta parsvakonasana twice is really helping with my twists. I do one round with prayer hands and then one round working towards full expression in which I get about half of my hand on the mat. Slowly but surely it’s getting there.  That one might actually be within this lifetime.

I think I will always practice outside unless it’s unbearably hot or humid. It’s quite serene on my patio. I look out onto a bright, sunny yard.  The morning is peaceful & quite.  The fresh air is relaxing and when I’m done I sometimes get a lovely random breeze blowing over me in savasana.  If I wasn’t outside I wouldn’t have experienced this beautiful moment as I was in sirsasana (headstand) when a dragon fly came flying by just as Nina Simone was singing “dragon fly out in the sun, you know what I mean” and I think, he did know what I mean. Today I felt joy in my practice. It was a new day and I was feeling good.

Making a commitment

It has been a couple of months since I’ve been to a led class at the studio to practice yoga. Yesterday I finished up a 6 week Mysore program in which I was practicing Ashtanga 3 times a week.  I was also trying to practice at home when I had the discipline to do it but that only happened a few times.  For some reason I just haven’t been able to make a home practice stick. So yesterday when the Mysore program ended I decided to make a commitment to my home practice.  I would like to practice 5 days a week for the next 30 days.  I know how to do my own practice without a teacher so there is no reason for me not to.  If that means coming to my mat and just doing sun salutations or just working on hip opening or backbends, then that’s ok.  I just want to get in the habit of making the time a priority and bringing my focus to my mat so that I can work on creating a disciplined home practice.

So here I am, making that commitment.  I will document when I get on my mat, how long I stay there and what I practice each day.  Hopefully at the end of 30 days I will have stayed true to that commitment and have a new found discipline for ignoring all the distractions and making the time for my practice at home.

July 27, Day 1 – Today it took me a few hours to get my focus together and do my practice but eventually I got on my mat and actually did primary series through the marichyasanas (skipped A & B) then went into closing. I bound to my wrist on my left side in Marichy C for the first time on my own!  I felt like I could get deeper in my bind today so I did Marichy C twice on each side and got to my wrist on the left side.  Which is odd, since that is usually my tighter side. Weird how things will just switch up on you like that. I think this is the first time I’ve practiced alone that I’ve gone past the standing sequence.  My practice was focused in portions. I would focus on breath, bandhas and posture awareness for a few poses then I would get distracted and mess around with music or go to the restroom or check my text messages (so unnecessary!!) then I’d come back and focus for a few more poses.

I started with doing the hip opening exercise from David Keil then went into primary series from there.  I really felt like working on backbends today so I did 6 backbends and 2 dropbacks on my own using tips from a video by Kino McGregor for dropping back. I did a little bit of rocking and tried to rock up but I barely felt any weight lift out of my hands. I still have a lot of fear in coming up. I know I lack the knowledge and control that I need to come up but the fear definitely gets in the way too.  I ended up cutting closing short. As I came out of matsyasana Jim Morrison’s voice came on singing “Before you slip into unconsciousness..” and I decided that was my cue to go into savasana.  I had a very nice and long savasana listening to “crystal ship” and then “shine on you crazy diamond”. Very deep relaxation & release of my practice.  

I’m satisfied with what I accomplished today.  Still need to work on shutting out the distractions and getting through a full practice. I was on my mat for over two hours just to get through half primary! I was taking some time on my jump throughs and figured out if I focus on bring my knees into my chest more I think I get a little bit more space between my feet and the ground as I try to get my feet through. They are still brushing the ground but I think the brushing felt lighter than normal. Over 2 hours is still way too much time for what I’m doing, even with a little more time spent on this or that, but it’s a start.

These are the videos for the hip opening and drop backs that I used in my practice:

Adventures in Teaching

Last week I taught two classes at Yoga Life, the studio where I just recently finished teacher training.  These were the first two classes I’ve taught since graduating from TT at the end of May.  I was subbing for one of the regular teachers there who also went through TT with me.  The classes were one hour power vinyasa classes. I was very nervous, I forgot the music I wanted to bring for the first class and I sweat A LOT. In Monday’s class I did a pretty straight forward flow with a few standing balances for fun and challenge. Wednesday I decided to play with working on using the arms to support weight. So we did some high plank/push-ups and played with jumping back from uttanasana to chaturanga dandasana then worked into bakasana.  Both of those days I was about 10 minutes under on time.  I’m not sure what’s going on when I get in the studio but I must rush through my sequence due to nerves. I need to add in segments that I can take out if I don’t need them because as of right now it’s kind of hard to improvise a sequence on the spot. I can add a couple of single poses into closing here or there but coming up with a whole sequence on the spot that fits in is quite a bit more difficult at my level right now. I definitely need to work on my improvisational skills there.  I think that will come as I start to have more sequences memorized and a more natural feel for what works together.

Teaching is interesting when you’re first starting out.  The class looks so serious and I get it, I know I definitely look serious when I’m practicing. However, this doesn’t help me get a read on how I am doing. I don’t know if the students are thinking I suck or if they’re bored or if they can’t hear me in the back of the room or if they’re enjoying the flow I’ve put together for them.  I have to get used to seeing all those serious faces and just trying to get feedback when I can as the students get to know me.  It also means I just need to trust in myself more and have confidence in my development as a teacher.  As long as I show up with the love and joy I feel for the practice hopefully that will come through in my teaching.

What I do absolutely love is the technical aspect of yoga and teaching it.  I love teaching the proper form, alignment and technique for getting into a pose.  I love seeing someone improve and catch on because they now know what to work on in order to get where they want to go.  Those are the things I enjoy as a student. I love when a teacher makes something make sense to me for the first time so I hope I can help students in that way.  This means my own practice needs to continue to improve because I can only teach what I know and there is still a lot I’ve yet to learn.  This is more motivation to keep moving forward in my dedication to my practice, so hopefully one day I can teach students all they want to know and continue to share this practice that brings so much lightness into life.  

The thing I wonder most about teaching:

Will I ever get to the point where I can walk into class without a flow in hand and just teach from my head?  For some reason I’ve set that as the point in which I’ll know if I can make teaching a life time career.  Time will tell I suppose… :)

Unfinished post from July 13th

I started writing this on July 13th but never finished. I'm not sure where I was going with it so I'm just going to leave it as is. I want to include it here since I'm trying to document progress and I was writing about one of my struggles.. heart rate & breath. I have figured out since then that I think my heart rate has A LOT to do with how hot the room is. Today I was reading a little bit of my Ashtanga Yoga book by Gregor Maehle and he actually has a section titled Temperature. He mentions that a hotter room helps with flexibility but decreases strength, stamina & concentration. A cooler room helps with strength, awareness & attention to detail. He says "We have to study the posture more deeply to get to the same point in a cold room." So we learn more than if we just sink into an asana because the heat has made us loose and flexible.

Here is my incomplete post from that day..

Today I decided to have a breathing practice.  I’ve been struggling with my breath lately. My heart rate is fast and forceful before I reach the seated sequence.  Saturday as I sat on my mat letting my heart rate calm between each asana I started to get depressed that this was happening to me. It makes me feel lazy when I need to take a full minute between asanas since no one else knows that I can feel my heart beating all the way to the top of my head and that’s why I’m not moving forward.  It’s weird because I can get through a led class which moves at a much faster pace and I don’t feel as out of breath as I do in my mysore practice.  I also don’t get that way in my practice at home.  In the mysore room the instructor has the expectation of me to go my edge every time and getting to my edge takes a LOT of work.  I use a lot more physical force and that’s when my heart rate starts going up and staying up.

You want me to do what?!

It’s Friday. It’s rainy outside. I had set the intention to get on the mat today but it’s not looking like that is going to happen. Tomorrow wraps up the 4^th week of a Mysore program I’m doing.  Mysore is a style of yoga that was founded in Mysore, India.  It’s an Ashtanga practice where the students come together at the shala and practice from memory and at their own pace.  The teacher assists where he/she feels is necessary, providing individual adjustments and direction.  The program I’m doing is a 6 week program with practice 3 days a week. Tuesday & Wednesday at 6am and Saturday at 9am.   My amazing instructor, Sati, is keeping it fairly traditional. She only has us going up to the point in the series where she feels we should be.  For me that is bhujapidasana even though I still don’t bind easily in marchy d, which is the pose before.  I can just barely bind on my right side and I can’t bind without help on my left.  That’s ok though because I really like bhuja so I’m glad she has let me advance to that pose.

I remember the first time I took Ashtanga.  It was in August 2010, I walked into Yoga Life Studio where I was planning on doing my teacher training and I took a class with Kristine.  I had no clue what Ashtanga was about but it seemed to be one of the more challenging classes at the studio so it’s the one I picked. I told Kristine that it was my first time doing that style but was fairly comfortable in my power yoga practice. She let me do my own thing and just observed my practice. It was definitely a very challenging class. I was cursing chaturanga about halfway through. My hamstrings ached. No, that’s not right. My hamstrings felt like they were ripping apart. Now that’s accurate. My hips screamed when we went into baddha padmasana.  I thought it was physically impossible to get my butt off the floor in uth pluthihi.  The name Mysore scared the shit out of me.  I wish I had started documenting my progress then, it would be interesting.  However, my posts may have been littered with a lot more profanity.

It’s been quite an adventure in these past 10 months. I still feel the tightness in my hamstrings but they no longer feel like they are being ripped apart. My butt actually is capable of getting entirely off the ground and then some in uth pluthihi, who knew?!  Most recently I grabbed a hold of my ankles in urdhva dhanurasana. With help, but hey, we get by will a little help from our friends, right? Still, that’s huge and the first time I touched my heels I nearly broke down in tears it was so intense and awesome at the same time.  This was the major accomplishment that inspired me to start journaling my progress.  What’s that Sati? Sati.. “Walk your hands in towards your heels.”  Inside my head (you want me to do what?!!) On the mat my fingers tried to crawl in towards my heels, didn’t get very far. Sati.. “follow my lead” Sati grabs my right hand and helps me move it to my heel. WHOA, that’s my heel! Sati does the same with my left hand. WHOA, that’s my other heel!!!! Sati.. “ok, take rest” Inside my head (can I please cry now cause that was insane!) Now thank god my hamstrings no longer revolt against me because there is nothing like being smooshed in paschimottanasana after a deep backbend.  Being smooshed used to bring me to a different kind of tears.  Now it’s like get on top of me and take a nap because this feels great and I don’t want to move and I just touched my heels. Did everyone hear that? I just touched my heels!!!

*This is not me. I definitely did not look this good doing it.*

So it begins..

I would say I got serious with Yoga in September of 2010 when I started my teacher training program.  Before then my practice was very sporadic. I loved yoga but I fit it in when I had the motivation, time and money.  All three of those didn’t come together all that frequently. I knew this wasn’t allowing me to get as deeply involved as I felt like I wanted to.  Every time I saw a teacher training advertised I yearned to be able to do it.  Time and money held me back there.  In January of 2010 I lost my job and time was officially on the market.  I didn’t immediately think of yoga to fill that time. I thought a lot about getting another job.  But I also thought a lot about what could fulfill me. I didn’t want just any job.  I struggled with these thoughts for a while. I had already been on a path with Interior Design school and I wanted to figure out how to stay on that path in a less stressful manner than I had been doing it.  That manner was working full time and going to school full time in a new city, trying to make friends, trying to drown the feeling of being alone, trying to stay balanced and trying to manage my time wisely (which was not a strength of mine) in order to do all this successfully.  This caused me a lot of stress as I was dropping the ball left and right in one of those missions or another.  Something had to change; I couldn’t just tackle all of those things at once again in the same manner I had already tried.  The ticking clock of life was loud in my ear saying that I needed to figure this out and get the move on.

One night I couldn’t sleep and it came to me.  I had to change the way I deal with stress and the way I cope.  I needed to begin to understand myself better.  Find my focus.  I needed to reset.  I decided I would take the time to do that.  In that time I would join a yoga teacher training which I knew would explore some of these things as well as give me that chance to become more deeply connected to my practice which I had been wanting to do.  So I put the ticking clock in my ear on indefinite snooze and decided to make it happen even if it set me back in my initial goals. I knew it would be worth it. And it has been. So there began my journey in Yoga.

I have now graduated my teacher training and I’m starting a blog as sort of a journal for my progress in my Yoga practice and other Yoga related thoughts I may have as a student or teacher.  I want a place to document my struggles and improvements that I can go back to years from now and relive the journey. I’ll also share Yoga knowledge that I find inspiring or thought provoking. 

This morning in my practice I accomplished something new.  It made me think back on the past 9 months and the struggles and breakthroughs that I’ve had and I wished that I had some kind of timeline for my experiences, so I’m starting now.  I do want to go back in time a little first, so this is the start of that. Also looking forward to writing about new discoveries from this point forward. 

-L

“There is no road too long to the man who advances deliberately and without undue haste; there are no honors too distant to the man who prepares himself for them with patience.” -Jean de la Bruyere